Battle scars

I am sitting here tonight feeling a little banged up. I am in an emotional war with myself. In some aspects I feel victorious, but, in others I feel like a P.O.W. I did what i felt was right, I stuck up for what I believed in. I felt justified. So, why am I feeling worse for wear? Maybe though sticking up for myself, I end up pushing people away inadvertently. I know that my methods are harsh, but, I keep holding onto shit until either the grenade goes off in my hand, or I throw it. I have held on to the grenade before, And I have hurt myself in the process, Almost to fatal results. I guess when it comes down to me or you, It has to be me. I guess I just need to pull the pin and throw before the pressure can become to great.

I am not sure how many other people will read this, but, how do you make the choice between self or others? and does you choice change or get strengthened when it is your health that is at stake? I feel that I just wait too long.