Welcome back red car rider

It is amazing how time flies. Two years has gone by since I last placed something on the blog. What had happened? I've had shows and parties, gone to weddings and funerals, learned about love in my adult gay life, and how it feels to lose said love.

It is amazing to look in my mirror each day and see a man that sometimes I don't recognize. He is strong, determined, sometimes scared, but never worried about what he faces in his life. He is becoming more confident in who he is sexually on a daily basis. 

I am looking forward to my journey this year as I am about to become 36.

I am starting a new job soon and I am going to Gencon in a month. 

I will update this blog as much as I can.

Much love Scottie

Randomness and Cakes

So, How are you guys doing? Glad to here that. Isn't it funny how we ask questions, only to get the attention of the conversation back to you. I am guilty of this, but, I am sure that I am not alone. Why do I bring this up? No reason, just an observation.

Life has been fun this month, not only am I working, but, I am writing up a brand new world for my D&D game. And, I am also taking a course in cake decorating. Now, I know how to ice a cake with store bought icing. But have you ever made your own buttercreme icing? And then iced it? And then colored it to make designs and flowers on your cake? yeah, me neither. But damn is it pretty, and honestly, a ton of fun.

Now this class is free through my job, but, the supplies are not, and damn are they expensive. Powered sugar, vanilla, butter, and meringue powder. There is some other stuff as well, but, I can't remember those. lol. I am amazed by how well i am doing in the class, and by how much i am learning.

well, I need to get back to typing up the gods and goddesses of my pantheon, so I will talk to you later, and maybe i will take some pictures of my cakes. Later.

Battle scars

I am sitting here tonight feeling a little banged up. I am in an emotional war with myself. In some aspects I feel victorious, but, in others I feel like a P.O.W. I did what i felt was right, I stuck up for what I believed in. I felt justified. So, why am I feeling worse for wear? Maybe though sticking up for myself, I end up pushing people away inadvertently. I know that my methods are harsh, but, I keep holding onto shit until either the grenade goes off in my hand, or I throw it. I have held on to the grenade before, And I have hurt myself in the process, Almost to fatal results. I guess when it comes down to me or you, It has to be me. I guess I just need to pull the pin and throw before the pressure can become to great.

I am not sure how many other people will read this, but, how do you make the choice between self or others? and does you choice change or get strengthened when it is your health that is at stake? I feel that I just wait too long. 

Nearing the end of Gay Pride Month 2012

I guess it is time to talk about this. About my homosexuality. About this thing that people think is so horrible. About this thing that makes people feel that I am going to go to hell, just because it is in a book. It is a part of me, but, it is not me. Not at all.

I have known that I was gay since I was young, I just kept lying to myself, telling myself that I was just effeminate. I am just this way because I was raised by my mother and my grandmother. I am just this way because I had no male influence in my life. I knew that every time that I said one of these thing to myself, that I was lying.

People like to think that members of the LGBTQ community choose this life. Why would anyone choose this life? If I could stop thinking about the way I feel about attractive men, I would. If I could stop my biology from reacting to the touch of a man, I would. If I could feel any sort of attraction to a woman just to feel normal, I would. I would not choose to be gay. That being said, I love being gay. there are certain things that I get away with because I am gay. But, I will not tell you what, for fear of spilling out vital gay secrets.

Now, I can take what other people think. Strangers don't bother me. They don't know me. What does bother me is when I hear it from friends, and people that I feel are family. Now, a couple of weeks ago I was riding with with some friends and I was discussing something that I had placed on my facebook page. Talking about how I feel that I was born this way and that I was tired of people saying otherwise. I can't remember everything that was said in the conversation to be honest, but, there was talk about what it says in the bible. And I just let the conversation drop. I started to tear up and cry. Here I am, with friends, them knowing that I am gay, and the words that are coming out of their mouths, sounding like all of the other hate-mongering people that I brush up against in my life. This is the worst feeling in the world. I kept my tears quiet, thankfully I was in the back and it was dark. They will only know about this if they read this. and if they do, I am sorry, but, there is no way that I can actually find the voice to say anything face to face.

My only fear is that one of their children will come out as being gay. How will they take it? We always joke as that "I have it covered" if they come out. But, the fear is, What will they see when they look at this child? How will they feel about themselves as parents? How will this affect their faith? How will they treat this child? I am sorry, My friend is a man's man. I wish that I had some of his traits. He is so proud when one of his sons flirts with a girl, even though they are so young. But, what happens if he does that same thing to a boy? How will he take it? I know that they will still love their child, but, will they be able to look at their son, and live with the fact, that according to what they believe, that their child is going to hell.

I believe that the god that created me and created you, and did so in his image. I hate to do this but here are some bible verses for other things not allowed according to the bible.

Leviticus 19:27

King James Version (KJV)

²⁷ Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard. 


This is about shaving and haircuts. I guess we will all have to have to deal with looking like each other. 

Leviticus 19:16

King James Version (KJV)

¹⁶ Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour; I am the Lord.

Gossip. Oh yeah, I am totally screwed on this one. I love me a good kiki

Genesis 38:9-10: "Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also."

This is about pulling out before you ejaculate into your spouse. Maybe Onan wanted to do the first Superman ever. If you don't know what Superman means, go to Urbandictionary.com and enjoy. I laughed and was a little grossed out. 

Leviticus 11:10

King James Version (KJV)

¹⁰ And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:

No more shellfish. I only go to Red Lobster for the Cheddar Bay Biscuits, so screw them. 

Now these are two of the passages that are used against the act of homosexuality

Leviticus 18:22

You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.

Leviticus 20:13

If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them.

I know that there is a lot of scripture up there. but, i am just saying, there are a lot of scriptures and most of us, aren't following these rules. If these rules are part of God's decree. Then I have a funny feeling there are not a lot of people up there. Just saying.

Hello. Hello! Hello?

Hello once again to the masses and masses of people who read my blog. LOL. I think that there are five of you. But anyway. well, I think that the time has come to really try and give this thing a go once again, if nothing more than to ramble on about different things that are happening.

Speaking of what is happening, since the last time I wrote anything down, I got a job! Yeah! this is such a good thing for me. One, I have been a working stiff since the age of 15. I worked at a restaurant as a busboy, I was paid my wages under the table. I only worked two nights a week. I loved it and hated it in the same breath. Now, where I am working now is not my ideal place. But, i do like it. It is retail, and retail sucks from time to time. But, this is a stress that I know and can deal with easily.

In other news, I am still single, guess that isn't really news. starting to make small home decor pieces. I love it. I am happy to be able to make items for myself and others.

I guess that is all for now, I am going to try to get on this thing at least once a week, that should be doable. good day everyone.