So...

My life a calmed down quite a bit since the fourth. Not saying that isn't why I haven't been blogging, just been crazy busy. lol. but, I love it. I hope everyone likes my random photos that will be hitting this page from time to time. I love random things, they keep life interesting, I think that is why I am so random from time to time. Some doctors might say I am A.D.D. but, I don't listen to doctors, so I think random works better. I don't think I have A.D.D., I can sit through t.v. shows and keep myself focused on my task at hand quite easily.

Anyway, lol, I write creatively from time to time, and, I have decided that today would be an excellent day to post part of a story I am working on for another site.

He was the new kid, the bully, the biggest kid in school, bigger than some of the teachers, and he was looming over me. His musk was strong for a seventeen year old, and every time he would take a breath, his chest would puff out, pushing the fabric of his tight shirt, threatening to burst the seems. As he exhaled that musk, that raw manliness, exuded from his body and filled my nose and mouth, and would have choke me, if didn’t like it so much. He looked down at me, filling my vision of him and him alone…

But, I am getting ahead of myself, I probably should tell you how I got into this predicament.

My name is Jakob, I know it is a weird spelling, I like it, it makes me an individual. Anyway, I am the Secretary for the Junior Class Body on the Student Council. Each member of the student council has a special task on their roster, Mine, is to welcome new students to our school and show them around. I enjoy it, it gets me out of class and allows me to meet new people.

I was called down to the Assistant Principal office, she was the one that was responsible in doling out the assignments. I get into her office and I can see a rather large folder sitting on her desk. “Jakob, I hate to tell you this, but, you have a new student coming.” She said. “Great, that is cool, I figured that is why…” “Jakob,” She interrupted. “He isn’t like any of the other kids we have had you show the grounds to.” I looked at her, perplexed as all get out. “Ok? What makes this kids different?” “He’s a known bully. His parents paid the school district a lot of money for him to be able to go here. And as the saying goes… Money talks” She looked a little disgusted and worried at the same time. I stood up. “No worries Mrs. Ross. I’ll treat him properly” And with that I waited out in the hall, waiting for the new student.

He pulled up to the main doors, driving a 1968 Gunmetal Gray Chevy Nova SS, clean, detailed and everything, as though he just drove it off the lot. That is my favorite car, and it shows that he takes care of it. When he stood up, he stood over the top of the vehicle at least a foot, which meant he was taller than me by three maybe four inches. His hair was short, brown and spiky. His eyes are a soft blue, almost blue-gray. He would have been my dream guy if he hadn’t been walking in like he was about to kick the ass of the first person he met, and that person was me.

He was wearing faded, tattered jeans, with black cowboy boots. A dirty white t-shirt clung to his body. The dirt I assumed was oil, but I wasn’t just looking at the oil. His torso was meaty. Thick, full pecs sat on top of a solid cobblestone of his abs. His arms were covered with veins and taunt with power, you could see each muscle twitch as he clenched and loosen his hands. And I was in awe.

He looked at me, there was disgust in his eyes. “Really? This is the kind of welcome I get?

Well, I hope your day stays random. I send my love to you and yours. Until next time, hopefully tomorrow. Laters!

Hypocrisy, Birthday Parties, and The people that we keep.

"If it were not for the intellectual snobs who pay, the arts would perish with their starving practitioners - let us thank heaven for hypocrisy." ~ Aldous Leonard Huxley

As you start to read this blog, I want you to think of everyone you consider a friend, doesn't matter if they are a close friend or not, I just want you to think of all the people that you give that title to. Earlier this week I had a fit, a full-blown, huge, massive, hard-hitting, pissed off fit. Over something I, myself, wouldn't be able to do. And that is have an open invitation, to everything I do, to all of my friends. So, I called a good friend of mine today, because I was upset that I wasn't invited to something she was invited to, in fact I was house-sitting at the person's house who had the party. I was pissed, more than that, I was jealous. Even though that is hard for me to admit to. And through talking to her, I found out more information about the party and we figured out that we do the exact same thing to the party thrower and her crew. So, Why could I be pissed? Truth of the matter is, I couldn't. And, I stopped being so mad. I have my groups of friends, as I am sure you do. And my groups of friends are as such: My Theatre Friends My Fort Wayne Friends My D&D Group My Glee Gang The Goshen Group The BD's Crew Now , When I get with these groups of people, I know exactly how things are gonna run, I know the atmosphere of the group, I know what I can and cannot do. I am familiar with the working and the dealings with the people in each of these groups and I change myself, slightly, in accordance to these people. I would never ask a friend from the D&D Group to join the Glee Gang, it might not work, he/she might have a good time. But, then I would be forcing the other members of the group to adjust to the new person, and that isn't always fair. As you continue to read this blog, I want you to think of all of the activities that you like to do with your various friends. I don't care if it something like going out to a certain place to eat, or watch a show, or whatever you do with your friends. The reason why I brought this up, is that I found out through my smart friend, that the group that had the 4th of July party has been doing this for years, they didn't intend for it to be a click but, I don't every really think that we ever intend on forming clicks. But, who do I think I am, to force them to change their festivities to include me. And the only reason my friend got to go this year is one, she is the roommate to the one throwing the party, two, they (party thrower and my friend) wanted me to have the house to myself, and three, it was last minute, she was supposed to be out of town all weekend. This is information, that I didn't know. Oops. My bad. It is amazing that when I found out that I too was guilty of the very thing I was upset over, it hurt washed away. I am glad that the hurt washed away. I wish I would have had the information sooner. It would have made my friend's birthday party alot easier to go to... My fantastic friend had her 30th birthday party, and truth be told, I didn't want to go. I knew that I would come face to face with the people I was pissed at. But, I am a friend and I would gladly suffer for a friend and if I can dish it out, I can take it. I went to the party expecting to be bombarded with problems and drama. And, Then I quickly forced myself to realize that... it wasn't about me, it was my friend's party, get over yourself. Still expecting drama, I stayed quiet for a bit, which for me is hard, and had light conversation with people that weren't apart of the bastards that didn't invite me. (I say that part jokingly now) , and ended up having a good time. Pictures were taken and a good time was had by all celebrating the life of our friend. Funny thing about pictures, they always get seen. The photos from the party ended up on Facebook, and other friends of mine, who agreed with me on my last blogs and were sick of the clicks, saw the pictures and saw me in them, and called me out calling me a hypocrite. The word stung. A Hypocrite isn't a nice thing to call anyone, let alone a friend. But, in a way he was right. but, I would gladly suffer for a friend. I would take the slings and arrows to be by a friends side, and doubly so on the person's birthday. I would rather be called a hypocrite, than be called a bad friend. I would rather be called a hypocrite, than have that person tell me that they wanted me to be by their side on their special day and have them be hurt because I was absent. As you finish reading my blog, I want you to think of all of those people, at all of those activities at the same time, all of the time. Not a pretty picture is it? And I am guilty of trying to force that kind of thing. As much as I would like to have all of my friends together to make things easier for myself. In actuality, it just wouldn't work, the size, the personalities, the fact that I would go crazy trying to make sure that all of my friends were doing well, having a good time. That is why when my birthday rolls around, I end up having three to four parties. it just doesn't work. I don't think people form clicks on purpose, they just kinda happen out of comfort, and we as humans love to be comfortable. "There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than being right next to the one you love" ~Unknown

A view from the road.

The Weight of Words aka Emotion/Energy

I have never thought about the weight of words. No matter if they are written or spoken, words have weight, they have power. Words can inspire and uplift, or, destroy and crush. I know that other people's words have moved me, and I have spoken other people words and have moved people. I have never seen the immediate effect of my words until yesterday.

Yesterday's blog was something that was written out of emotion, and was the start of the healing process of what conspired over the weekend. I do not feel bad for what was said, or by what emotions were invoked in the reading of said words. But, it is the emotions of a friend, that sparked her to write to me. Her words moved me. and I am writing this. It is amazing to think that things can be passed between people in this manner.

The Law of Conservation of Energy states: That energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it can only be transformed from one state to another. My emotion/energy caused me to write, never realizing that the emotion/energy was still in my words. My friend read the words, absorbed the emotion/energy and it was transformed into her own emotion/energy . Then she wrote, and I read, and now I am writing again.

Emotions and Energy has alot of power. It can power people to make efforts that normally they wouldn't do. I hope the energy I have put into this blog and will put into my future blogs, will power you to do things to better yourself or at least feel and emotion.

Really?!

So, Shock of my life today. I hopped onto my facebook page, and saw one of my friends had posted pictures from her 4th of july weekend. And, while looking at the pictures, I saw a couple of my friends in them. then as I continued to go through the pictures, I found most of my friends in them, friends through the theatre I spend alot of my time with. I was house-sitting for one of my friends so that she could go up to her parents lake house, I thought that she was spending time with her family, no, it ends up she was with friends of the theatre and I didn't get invited. these are people I thought I was friends with. I cried a little. I bragged about how theatre is a family and that we all care for one another. and, after this weekend i feel like I have been stabbed in the back, and betrayed by family.

I love doing theatre, it is a wonderful experience to work hard on a show and perform it for an audience so that they can enjoy the hard work that we put on. I enjoy the people that I get to work with and love the work we do. and, I thought that I was forming bonds with the people. I have been doing this for Seven years. Seven!

So, I have decided that I am taking a step back. I am pulling my energy away from my theatre for the time being. and I will be redirecting it into more rewarding ventures. it hurts but it must be done.

My First Post.

Well, For my first post i think i need to let you in on myself, and parts of my life up to this point.

1. I am 31.
2. I live in Indiana
3. I am gay and have been out for about 10 yrs
4. My father died when I was 11
5. my mother has issues with beer and other liquor substances
6. I am a huge theatre geek
7. I have been playing D&D since I was 8
8. I have never had a real boyfriend. (maybe becuase I have been playing D&D. lol)
9. I hve a thing for athletic men, even though I am not athletic looking myself.

I think that is enough for now. maybe more to come on who I am as a person. The reason why i started this blog was really to get my feeling out onto the page, er, screen. hopefully i will do this on a daily basis and be able to enjoy my time on here more. I hope everyone had a great fourth of July, doesn't matter if you celebrated it or not. I know I did. I will talk to you all later.

~LD