Something to write about.

Yeah!!! I am happy to have something to talk about, I know I said that if i didn't do this everyday that I shouldn't have this blog, but, I am allowed to change my mind. So there :P

Anyway, the things that I want to talk about are: My skills at Dungeon and Dragons, and Jesus. And now that I got your attention... I can begin.

My ability to pull things out of my ass amazes me. Get that dirty thought out of your mind. I mean when it comes to creating adventures for Dungeons and Dragons. What happened for me this time was I received a call from a one of my friends that was going to be joining our gaming group, he asked me if we could play this evening, well technically last evening,but, anyways. He called and said that if I wanted to, He wanted to play and that two of my other players were available if I wanted to. So, I said yes. now they only problem was that the friend that called me didn't have a character. and were were going to being playing game two and a half hours later. So, I spent an hour and thirty five minutes, one the phone, with my friend, making his character. Once that was done, I hopped into the shower real fast, got clean and shaved. then got dried off, put on new clothes, grabbed my stuff and was out the door.

Now while driving and showering, I was thinking about game. What did I want to happen? What was I going to throw at my players to keep them on their toes? Could I pull off making a decent game with very little planning time? Well, the answer to the first question was the newbie's character waking up tied to a spit, and being turned over a fire. The second question was answered with Goblins and Hobgoblins and and the interesting twist where I used a player's spirit animal to wake her up. And since I left game tonight feeling very satisfied, I feel that the third was a big yes.

Normally I like being prepared, now I have been prepared for next weeks game, that was originally scheduled a month ago, for about three weeks, so hopefully that on will go that much better.

And now to Jesus. I know, random, but, you all know that I am. So, anyway, it is Easter. the day of the return of Jesus. Now I can't say that I am a non-believer, I just don't believe in the same way that maybe you do. Do I believe that there was a Jesus? Yes, I am sure that there was a Jesus. But, do I believe that he did all of those miracles? I think that he had help, and not God. I am sure between Jesus and his Disciples they did some of those wonderful things for the people of the Bible. I feel that people interpret the Bible to suit their means , there are way too many people who use the Bible as a weapon instead of the book of morals that I feel it was intended. You can disagree with me, and that is fine, that is my way of seeing things, but, I am sure that when it is all said and done, one of us will be right and one of us will be wrong. And, I am okay with either result.

I know, I know, I know...

It's been a while. I know... Bad Homo, No Porn. Whatever. Bite me. Nowadays my life has been, um, weird, I guess. Just trying to find a job, work on my script. Oh yeah, I am in a new show, The Drowsy Chaperone. I am playing Feldzieg. He is the producer for the show, I have a dance number, lol, it is going well, other than I kinda wanna stab the choreographer in the temple with a Sharpie. Just saying. I am a volunteer, I realize so are you, and you may have choreographed a show before but that doesn't give you the right to be a bitch. Just saying.

I guess the reason why I haven't been blogging is just that I wanted to keep my shit private, and that I really didn't have anything to say. I know those of you that know me are probably gasping for air. It just that, I can't help it, but sometimes I don't wanna burden people with my crap. That's not my thing. I will help you with your crap, but, as to mine.... um, it doesn't exist.

I guess that sometime I will be blogging more, just not right now.... Um, soon... I promise.

Prayers For Bobby...

I have never cried so much in my life. And so this will be very brief.

I have never been so proud of the mother I have in this life, She rolled with the very hard punch of learning that her baby boy was gay. I know that part of her would rather me be straight, mainly because it would be an easier life for me. But, I feel that anything worth having, should never come easy.

I was such a scared young man when I came home almost nine, maybe ten years ago. I was going to come home, to this crazy Christian area of the world, and tell them that "this is who I am, and if you don't like it, Fuck off" And as I spent the next week going to my friends and family and telling them that "This is who I am, and if you don't like it, fuck off". I was lucky and only had to say Fuck off once. And, I hope he is doing well.

Please, if you are reading this, and you have kids, wants kids, or know of kids. Them being gay is minute. Sexuality is such a small part of who we are as people, and we make too big a deal of it. We do the same with Religion. I was born this way, God put me in this chubby body, put a nice head of hair on my head, and created me gay. Why? No clue, Don't care, I am happy. He did good work. And as long as our children are happy with who there are, and who they grow up to be. Isn't that the more important thing, than what goes on in their bedroom?

Happy Thoughts

Libbie Fudim once said "Recall as often as you wish; a happy memory never wears out." And of course, this got me thinking. What has happened in my life that always makes me smile?

Well, Probably the most recent thing to happen to me that will get me to smile for years to come, is the laughter from the audience as I walked out on stage wearing the Titania outfit from "Leading Ladies". Every night the audience was loud and raucous, but, the first night was amazing, because there I stood in full drag, trying to fight the smile on my face because I know how I looked. Other theater moments are just as good, but, there is nothing like being in drag to really let you know what you can do for your art.

Next on the list would have to be: Holding my nephew Colton for the first time. That was the first time in my whole history of being an uncle, that I got to hold my nephew so soon after him being born. Now, I have always been able to hold my nephews and nieces early in their lives, within a couple days usually. But, with Colton, It was within his first hours of life. It was amazing. So small, so fresh, so innocent. I was so lucky that day, I had to work a half day at my job, and I left for the hospital right after. I really felt blessed.

Next on a slightly more comical note: every time I listen to the Spice Girls I can't help but smile. I mean come on, they were a hit my senior year, the song came out the summer before I started school. And, I was sooooo into them. Why I didn't just say I was gay then I will never know.

I think it is very important that every once in awhile, we look back on our lives to remind us that, Yes, those were different times, but, they are to be treasured. The bad and the good brought us to this point. I live a life of no regret. if I would change one small thing, the person who sits here and writes these blogs would be a totally different person. Please look on your past and smile.

Yeah! Feeling much better! Part 2

So, yeah, High school would have been hell. High school was enough hell as is, But, I didn't dare cause myself more grief by announcing the student body that I was queer, I am not that dumb.

Let's be honest, who knows how things would have gone down had I came out at school, not I, and certainly not any of you. I made a decision and I am proud of the decision I made.

So, I graduated high school, work and lived my life as a straight man for two years until I went to college. College was fantastic! College was like being thrown into Disneyland with no map, and I loved it. Being away from my hometown, my mother and the friends that knew me was fantastic. I was able to put down the true foundation of the person who sits here and types this blog. Being away from all of those influences was just what I needed. Now it was in college where I was bombarded with all sorts of men, and it was there where I found my love for jocks, Jocks and other athletic men have this air about them that just screams "Male." I am not sure what it is about them that does it for me, but, I am gone, out of my mind, when I see a man the exudes testosterone. Now, I like muscles, but, it isn't a prerequisite, but, it also doesn't hurt. I love a "man's man" It just really gets me going. I pray that a man like that, would want me the way I am.

Had to take a small break...

Yeah, I haven't been feeling very well the couple of days. I don't know if I pushed myself too hard, or what. Not sure how I caught a bug or whatever, but, I am feeling better. I will continue the story of the Dungeon and Dragons Adventuring party, plus I think that I will do a little bit of education, from a Dungeon Masters point of view, about the game of D&D. Um, I have played this game for so long now that I kinda feel like a expert, and there has been times that I didn't know what to write and I think that D&D is a good fall back. Plus, I have always heard that you talk about what you know, and I know D&D. So, expect a lot more D&D blogs.

Perceptions of self....

I have been running around the town today, going to and fro, being my typical self. Each of these places I encountered different groups of people. Now me being the same person at each of these places I wondered; How am I being currently perceived?

The main reason why I ask this of myself is just because I know what my intent was, but, other people don't. Like at the physical therapist's office today, I was in the room with my mother, Her therapist was helping her out, testing her body as to what it can do, and I sat there, reading on my Nook. I was thinking that I was looking rather studious. But I could have looked like a snob, sitting there with my fancy little gizmo. Though I love my fancy little gizmo, I do not mean to flaunt it around, I am just using the damn thing, I mean no harm.

Later in the day, Mom wanted to go to the VFW chapter in Goshen. I really don't care for the place, but, it is a nice place to go for service people that have been in the foreign wars. It's not my thing, so, I don't bitch that often. So, while we are there several news stories came up (The Congressman who decided to answer an ad on Craigslist, the study that diet pop isn't as good for you as originally thought), well it got me talking with the bartender and one of the ladies that I do know from my volunteer work with them, We talked the shit out of these topics, plus a few others, but, I include some comedy. Now, to the people I was talking to I am sure that I appeared witty and funny, opinionated, and intelligent. And to the people that were at the other end of the bar, I am sure that I was annoying. I also don't care.

I feel that it is futile to even try to keep everyone happy,I will just continue to do my own thing. It's my own thing that keeps me happy. I am not sure that is a good way to go, but, I make my choices and I live with them.

Day 8~ Smileys?

Day 1: Nine things about yourself.

Day 2: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day 3: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day 4: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day 5: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day 6: Four turn offs.

Day 7: Three turn ons.

Day 8: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day 9: One confession.

Day 8: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

1. l-) ~ If you don't know what this one is, it is the loser smiley. I think that this one is two-fold. One, because it is how my life is working out right now. I have no job, no vehicle to call my own, no home of my own, no man. Yeah, kinda feel like a loser. I wish that there was an easy fix as to how I feel, but, there isn't. I shall continue to go through my day, doing what I am doing, looking up new jobs, messing around on facebook, and working on this blog. And, I hate that this is what my life is reduced to... I used to be somebody, feel something, and now I just feel numb. I hate that I go back and forth from feeling okay, to feeling like crap. but, at the core of it all. I just feel like a loser. oh, the second reason I chose this smiley is because of Glee. And, I have parts of all of those kids in me. It sucks hardcore.
2. (:| ~ This one is Tired. I try to do things that make me happy, I try to do the things that make my friends happy, I try to help my mother, I try to help myself, I try to keep the plates all spinning, and keep them from crashing to the ground and right now all I can say is, screw it. I'm Tired. there are other things that I really want to do. But, I can't pull it off right now.

Day Six, and the recap of Monday. and talking about what my blog will be used for.

Day 1: Nine things about yourself.

Day 2: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day 3: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day 4: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day 5: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day 6: Four turn offs.

Day 7: Three turn ons.

Day 8: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day 9: One confession.

Day 6: Four turn offs.

1. Smoking~ It is a horrible habit. I have friends that do it, some of them do it socially. I don't mind it that way. But, If you want to be my man, it is either that butt on your lips, or mine. I know that is one hell of a visual, but, it is also the truth.
2. Bad Tipper~ I know that it sounds really shallow, but, I worked as a waiter before, you might not realize how hard it is to make your money. Now mind you, if the service is horrible... then it's okay, but only then.
3. Excessive Drinking~ Again, be social. Not stupid. 'Nuff said.
4. Taking Life Too Seriously~ Life isn't wine and roses, but, it isn't all doom and gloom. Things will look up, they always do. Quit yer bitchin' and keep on moving.

~My Monday~

My Monday was fantastic, it was nice to be able to go down to Fort Wayne. The drive was great, decent weather and there wasn't that many idiots on the road while I was driving. Well one bus driver, but I blew by him quickly. I got to my cousin place, slid into my normal parking spot literally. I walked up to the house carrying the painting that I wanted to do for my cousin. He has the fixation and fascination with a painting of the Earth at the Daily Grind in Goshen. Well, I worked on my rendition and presented it to him. He seemed to enjoy it and his partner also sent me a message saying the same.

We then started our running, first we went to a client's home and picked up rent, not normal protocol mind you, and then ran to lunch. Ruby Tuesday's was very good. I have the burger with A-1. and two servings of fries, might tasty. I didn't realize that they had endless fries. Lunch gave us time to talk, talk of the future and where he is going, what my plans are, my nervousness to what lies ahead of my day. It's nice to spend time with him. I hope to do this for years to come.

We then ran to his office where it is very interesting to see a realty office at work, the other times that I have been there it was rather slow. People often have misconceptions about Realtors. You either think they have tons of money, tons of free time, or both. Let me clarify. I was with my cousin for just around four hours today, other than the time that we stopped for lunch, he was on the phone with a broker, a client, or a potential client. The entire time we were in the car he was working. I am sure once I left to on about my day, he was either on his computer working on his current listings, or future listings. Realtors work just as hard as you and I, well, maybe not I currently.

Now as to money, there are a lot of fees and costs that we don't realize that these people have to pay and that includes paying their brokerage fees, my cousin's are 30%. When get our paychecks, we lose 20-25%. Realtors have that, plus their brokerage fees, plus everything else they have to pay. Just something for you guys to think about. And when you are thinking about buying, renting, or building a house, go through a Realtor, one, they have the resources that you do not have. Two, it's their job, they can take the time to look for you, when you can't. It's a win/win situation people. And this is what I learned, riding around the Fort Wayne area with my cousin, and I was just paying attention half-assed.

After leaving my cousin at his house to his work, I headed to Glenbrook mall, and to the Barnes and Nobles there. I met Paul, he is a little older than me, is just as much a geek as I am. We had a drink at Starbucks, talked about our books and our interests, and about an hour and a half later, we headed outside and made plans for a future date, this time in Goshen. Dinner and a movie. Kinda looking forward to it.

~The Future of My Blog~

I am in no way shape or form ending this blog, just going to try and organize it a little. So, This is how I will work this little shindig...

• Sunday~ Recap of my Dungeon & Dragons game, if there is any. If not who knows what I will talk about.
• Monday~ Me Monday~ Those of my friends who read my blog, doesn't matter if you are on Facebook or Here on Blogger. You will get to ask me one question about myself. I will answer it to the best of my ability, and as long as I don't incriminate myself into anything crazy.
• Tuesday~ Reality Recap. I am a huge reality show junkie. Here is my take on some of my favorite reality shows.
• Wednesday ~ Glee!!! I will talk about my favorite show! Glee is a great part of my life, and deserves it's own day!
• Thursday~ Product placement~ I am going to take this day to talk about a product that I actually use. Or possibly a recipe that I enjoy. I want to pass this knowledge onto you.
• Friday~ Free Friday. Anything goes. I may take one of my left over questions and answer it, I may post one of my poems, Who knows, like I said anything goes!
• Saturday~ Normal blog. a recap of my week, any concerns I may have and a follow up with anything that I have mentioned before.

I am looking forward to this new journey in my blog, I am hoping to do this from no on. If you want to get involved with the personal question. Email me at Runningfromdragons@gmail.com. All questions must be received by Saturday. The new blog starts Sunday, with a recap of the game.

In Fort Wayne...

Well, the roads were great and I made it down here safely. I love hanging out with my cousin. He and I mesh so well. Still nervous about meeting Peter, I mean come on. The last time I was on a date... I was in my twenties and living in St. Louis. I don't have a good track record.

Day Four, Wishes that I wouldn't really change.

Day 1: Nine things about yourself.

Day 2: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day 3: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day 4: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day 5: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day 6: Four turn offs.

Day 7: Three turn ons.

Day 8: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day 9: One confession.

Day 4: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Now, before I start this list, I want you to realize this. Though I will put this list down, I don't have any regrets. This is why. If I were to change, just one little thing, it would unravel who I am as a person to my very core. I LOVE who I am on the inside, I am fantastic, I am fierce, I am a man to admire and take notes from. I live my life my own way, and people who don't like it, can go to hell. And now to the list.

1. I wish I never signed for those damn credit cards in college~ I am still paying for that shit, seriously. Credit card companies should be blown up for the way they target kids that are away from home, and most, like myself, don't have an idea about personal finance. Shame on them.
2. I wish that I had not stayed as long as I did, when I had to put my cat Garfield to sleep~ Garfield was an amazing cat. I felt that I had a duty to be with him. That was probably the dumbest thing I did, because it almost ruined my memories of him.
3. I wish that I never told Emily Appenzeller that we were never were boyfriend and girlfriend~ One, It hurt her feelings way back then, and, Two, I found the notebook that I had wrote in code "I love Emily" after she and I had graduated high school. Sorry Emily.
4. I wish that I stuck with college~ Maybe, MAYBE, I would have a career. Maybe. Just saying, you all know how the economy is right now. there is no guarantee.
5. I wish that I would have toughed it out in St. Louis~ St. Louis was very good to me, I was able to come out and be out fully there. It would have been a hard road, but, hey who knows what would have happened.
6. I wish I would have never stayed in the closet in school~ I knew I was gay, I knew it. But, I was sooooo afraid of what would have happened.

Okay with all of that being said, I am happy with my choices. As imperfect as my life is, I love it. If one of those choices would have been different, I would have been different, and the people that I have in my life now would have been different. I accept the screw up I made, but, honestly, they weren't screw ups. If everything in our lives went perfect, there would be no need for television, because there would be no crime, no drama, no romance, nothing that thrills us, nothing that scares us, nothing that is anything but perfect.

Perfect sucks, You don't learn from perfect. You don't grow if things are perfect. With these six choices and so many others, that didn't quite go the way that might have been the most beneficial for me, I have blossomed into the quite fantastic person that I currently am. Fuck perfection.

The Weight of Words aka Emotion/Energy

I have never thought about the weight of words. No matter if they are written or spoken, words have weight, they have power. Words can inspire and uplift, or, destroy and crush. I know that other people's words have moved me, and I have spoken other people words and have moved people. I have never seen the immediate effect of my words until yesterday.

Yesterday's blog was something that was written out of emotion, and was the start of the healing process of what conspired over the weekend. I do not feel bad for what was said, or by what emotions were invoked in the reading of said words. But, it is the emotions of a friend, that sparked her to write to me. Her words moved me. and I am writing this. It is amazing to think that things can be passed between people in this manner.

The Law of Conservation of Energy states: That energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it can only be transformed from one state to another. My emotion/energy caused me to write, never realizing that the emotion/energy was still in my words. My friend read the words, absorbed the emotion/energy and it was transformed into her own emotion/energy . Then she wrote, and I read, and now I am writing again.

Emotions and Energy has alot of power. It can power people to make efforts that normally they wouldn't do. I hope the energy I have put into this blog and will put into my future blogs, will power you to do things to better yourself or at least feel and emotion.