As I look over my life and I have realized that I always knew that I was gay. I knew when I was 8-9 and was playing superheroes, and, all I really wanted was to be the one that was rescued by the male, super strong, hero. I knew something was different about me right then. And, I quashed it. I smashed that little voice saying that you like boys at age 9.
The funny thing about little voices is, they don't go away. Those little voices know the insides of your mind and know where to hide so that they can still say what needs to be said and preach the truth. And even when you stand on a windy hill, with your fingers in your ears , screaming as loud as you can "la la la la la, I can't hear you!" They still are heard. And, I denied that part of myself my entire life.
I was in complete misery throughout junior high and high school. I knew that I was living a lie. I knew that I was gay, but, I wouldn't dare come out. I was already being tormented for being a fat kid at a really preppy school, but, If I would have come out of the closet.... I probably wouldn't be blogging about this right now. I would probably have been beat to death, or have killed myself. As horrible as that sounds, it is probably true. The torment that I went through on a daily basis just being fat, would have been minuscule compared to the level of evil that would have been thrown at me if I had came out.
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