Yeah! Feeling much better! Part 2

So, yeah, High school would have been hell. High school was enough hell as is, But, I didn't dare cause myself more grief by announcing the student body that I was queer, I am not that dumb.

Let's be honest, who knows how things would have gone down had I came out at school, not I, and certainly not any of you. I made a decision and I am proud of the decision I made.

So, I graduated high school, work and lived my life as a straight man for two years until I went to college. College was fantastic! College was like being thrown into Disneyland with no map, and I loved it. Being away from my hometown, my mother and the friends that knew me was fantastic. I was able to put down the true foundation of the person who sits here and types this blog. Being away from all of those influences was just what I needed. Now it was in college where I was bombarded with all sorts of men, and it was there where I found my love for jocks, Jocks and other athletic men have this air about them that just screams "Male." I am not sure what it is about them that does it for me, but, I am gone, out of my mind, when I see a man the exudes testosterone. Now, I like muscles, but, it isn't a prerequisite, but, it also doesn't hurt. I love a "man's man" It just really gets me going. I pray that a man like that, would want me the way I am.

Yeah! Feeling much better! Part 1

Okay, I am feeling much better know, time to get back to the old daily grind, so to speak. So, while I have been sick, I have been watching a lot of documentaries, and most of them have been gay documentaries. I know big shock. And it got me thinking.... uh oh!

As I look over my life and I have realized that I always knew that I was gay. I knew when I was 8-9 and was playing superheroes, and, all I really wanted was to be the one that was rescued by the male, super strong, hero. I knew something was different about me right then. And, I quashed it. I smashed that little voice saying that you like boys at age 9.

The funny thing about little voices is, they don't go away. Those little voices know the insides of your mind and know where to hide so that they can still say what needs to be said and preach the truth. And even when you stand on a windy hill, with your fingers in your ears , screaming as loud as you can "la la la la la, I can't hear you!" They still are heard. And, I denied that part of myself my entire life.

I was in complete misery throughout junior high and high school. I knew that I was living a lie. I knew that I was gay, but, I wouldn't dare come out. I was already being tormented for being a fat kid at a really preppy school, but, If I would have come out of the closet.... I probably wouldn't be blogging about this right now. I would probably have been beat to death, or have killed myself. As horrible as that sounds, it is probably true. The torment that I went through on a daily basis just being fat, would have been minuscule compared to the level of evil that would have been thrown at me if I had came out.

Had to take a small break...

Yeah, I haven't been feeling very well the couple of days. I don't know if I pushed myself too hard, or what. Not sure how I caught a bug or whatever, but, I am feeling better. I will continue the story of the Dungeon and Dragons Adventuring party, plus I think that I will do a little bit of education, from a Dungeon Masters point of view, about the game of D&D. Um, I have played this game for so long now that I kinda feel like a expert, and there has been times that I didn't know what to write and I think that D&D is a good fall back. Plus, I have always heard that you talk about what you know, and I know D&D. So, expect a lot more D&D blogs.

Into the Fray... Part 3

Which of course dropped two of the main characters. Now they are not dead, just disabled. The one nice thing is, compared to the earlier editions of D&D, players have the ability to heal their own character. And thanks to Axel and Thorin, Eglath and Bill were able to get up on their feet and stand up again. to continue the battle.

I enjoy moments like these because, I was on pins and needles just because this battle was so close, I know that that it was expressed several times that the party was sure that they were going to all die. Luckily the party survived this encounter, and moved on down, farther into the tower.

Into the Fray... Part 2

And, promptly fell on his ass. yeah that would be him on his back. He was promptly swarmed by the ants and pretty much taken down at that point.

Doing what he does best, Eglath races over and quickly dispatches three of the four giant ant workers. This motion, and the falling down motion of the minotaur, forced the rest of the team to his aid. Now the only problem that the team found out was that the ants work really well together, and the giant ant soldiers grabbed Eglath and Bill, while the giant ant warriors stabbed them and filled their bodies with acid.

Into the Fray...

Upon entering the next level of the tower, an earlier message overheard from the lizardmen rings true. "Fucking Bugs" is what they find. Now I know what you are thinking... "Um, that looks like candy..." Yes we use candy as our monsters, one, it give us a visual target on the board. Two, when they monster dies, you get to eat it. Bonus.

Before them stand eight giant ants: four worker ants (Skittles), two warrior ants (Hershey Kisses) and two soldier ants (Rolos).

After rolling initiative, our party order was established, and with the monsters holding their actions, our minotaur, Bill did what he does best and charged into combat.

Deeper into the Tower... pt2

I know what you are thinking, "Part 2? Where is Part 1?" Well, I am going to give you as much information as I see fit. Hehehehe. First things first, I think you need to know what I am talking about, and then more information. Since it is Sunday, and I had my Dungeons & Dragons, which know be refereed to as D&D, game last night, I decided to stick with the revised plan and blog about my game today. Oh, just so you know, lvl = Level.

-----------------------------Cast of Characters and Their Players-------------------------------

• Axel~ 3rd lvl Human Shaman~ Ran by Beth Adcock. Humans in the game of D&D, are just like the humans of the real world, they come in all shapes and sizes, what makes them different from us is their vocation. Beth chose the Shaman as her class, Shamans fall under the Primal power group. Primal is one of the five power types for your character. I will get to those later. But, the Shaman use their information of the spirit world to help themselves along in defeating the enemies of themselves and their team. Shamans place within the group in the Leader position, now the Leader position doesn't just mean boss their team around. They have a responsibility to help heal their team, but, some also have the ability to buff up their team, or even be able to maneuver the team around into positions that will help the best.
• Bill~ 3rd lvl Minotaur Paladin~ Ran by Matt Pollard. Minotaurs are the creatures from Greek mythology. Half-Man and Half-Beast, minotaurs struggle with not being accepted within society and their inner urges to cause destruction. Paladins are one of the classes that fall under the Divine Power group. Agents of Divinity serve gods to protect their people and gain power in return. Paladins are known as Defenders. Defenders are the tanks of the team, able to eat more damage than their teammates, and they have the ability to draw enemies to them or at least hinder their opponents when they choose not to attack them.
  
• Eglath~ 3rd lvl Goliath Monk~ Ran by Justin Baker. Goliaths can be easily described by calling them Half-Giants. They life in the mountainous regions of the world, and vaule strength and power above all else. Now, The Monk it gains its power from within, The monk falls under the Psionic power group. Psionics don't look towards outside sources for access to their power, the look within themselves and into their own mind.
• Thorin~3rd lvl Dragonborn Paladin~ Ran by Larry Adcock. Dragonborn are a race to be feared and respected. Their heritage comes from long lines of dragons, that heritage grants them abilities that other races don't have. and I don't have to talk about Paladins, I have already talked about that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Our Story So far ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our little group was created when they each had a dream and headed towards the mountain. Once reaching the mountain, they were told that they were the keys to protecting the world against the Undead God Vecna. After protecting the caravan from a massive zombie attack, and then a small group of goblins. This group of travelers was helping the remainder of the caravan travelers get to the town, when they spotted a tower in the distance. They swam over to the tower and noticed that it was off by itself. But there was a fresh camp. After dispatching two different groups of lizardmen, the group continued down into the tower....

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I will post pictures with the rest of the story soon.

I'm Done...

I am tired of being used...

I know I put a lot of myself into the things that I do, it is in my nature. But, when someone has asked the question about "when are we gonna play again?" and now that it is getting warmer and our lives all get busier, he wants out again. I am running game tonight and I am done, I feel sorry for the other three people that play, but, Fuck it. I spend time working on this, and he shows up, I am in a bad mood, and my dice respond to that sort of shit. Seriously, when I am mad, my dice start hitting hard. More to follow when I get back.

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

I have been trying to be consistent with my blog, but, sometimes... okay a lot of time, this is a lot of work. I am a very opinionated person, but, sometimes I don't want to talk. But, I promised myself that I would do this.

I guess the reason for the title to my blog is that, I thought that there would be a reaction, to some of the things that I written down. Anger, Disgust, Worry, Elation, something. I do the blog and post it, and even send a link to my facebook page, and then it is like I can hear the virtual crickets chirp.

What do you do when you aren't being heard? Do you scream louder? Do you just clam up and wait for people to come to you and ask what is wrong? Do you just hold it all in until you can't help but explode with a rage and a fury that mother nature has never ever seen before? Wow, that last on was a little dramatic, and I have been known to do all three.

Though I will admit, on a good note, That my blog is slowly gaining a following. This makes me happy. I know, while reading my blog, I sound a bit bipolar, but, it is how I am. I find the sunny side to almost everything. it makes some friends sick.

I guess with everything that is going on, I just have to keep going with this. This blog is my voice, I will continue to talk on it, I will talk on it until I am hoarse. Please to anyone who reads this do the same. your voice should be heard, even if it is just your ears that hear it.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4a8QtvOkBQ

The above link is to the audio of Lady Gaga's new song Born This Way. Please enjoy, it has a great message and I really enjoy it for multiple reasons. Have a great Friday people!

Was so very busy...

Happy Thursday people! I have been suffering with an odd sleep schedule, when I was working, I would go to bed at 11pm-midnight, get up go to work, after work who knows what I would go do, then go to bed and do it all over again. Well, right now that is not the case. I get up when I feel, and I go to bed when I am tired. Well, as of a couple of days ago, when I felt like it, it was 8am. I mean really? going to bed at 8am?! That means I would be waking up sometime in the afternoon. I hated it. Well, all of a sudden yesterday, I go to bed at 1am, which i was relieved and shocked, and I woke up at 8am. I felt like a normal, real human being again. Lucky I did it again today.

So, let us see... yesterday was Wednesday, I had to take mom to her therapy for her arm. which will take awhile, but, will be worth it. I was able to hang out with my cousin went went around Goshen and had a great time like normal. and then I came back home to watch the best damn episode of Survivor ever!

Today, I really need to get into my books and get everything written down for my Dungeon and Dragons game this weekend. ttyl people. love ya

Frustrated.... Grr

This is not much of a blog at this point, but, My mother got drunk and wasn't able to drive herself home last night. She hasn't been home in 24 hours. now I realize that she is an adult, and so am I. BUT REALLY???? I stopped my drinking myself stupid a long time ago. Why do people feel the need to dull their senses so bad? My life sucks, but, I refuse to dull it down with that kind of crap, I can understand using drugs to kill pain, if that is what you need it for, I understand the use of Marijuana for medicinal purposes. But to constantly drink until you are unable to function, is ridiculous.

Happy Valentines Day AKA: Single Person's Awareness Day.

Well, it is Me Monday: and no one sent me a question via my email~ Runningfromdragons@gmail.com or to me at Facebook. Oh Well. So I guess I will talk about Love and the lack of it in my life.

Love isn't a foreign concept to me, it is just a missing one. I haven't been in a committed relationship in quite sometime. Though at the moment, I am currently talking with a man, I hope that it goes somewhere, though currently it is too soon to tell.

Back in the day, when I dated girls, I thought that was love. But, I was young, and inexperienced. Today, I know even less about love. It has been awhile since I have even kissed a guy. I think it will be nice once it happens, if it happens.

love

   [luhv] Show IPAnoun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

–noun

1.

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.

a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.

3.

sexual passion or desire.

4.

a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.

5.

(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection,or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

6.

a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

7.

sexual intercourse; copulation.

8.

( initial capital letter ) a personification of sexual affection,as Eros or Cupid.

9.

affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love ofone's neighbor.

10.

strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: herlove of books.

11.

the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.

12.

the benevolent affection of god for His creatures, or thereverent affection due from them to God.

13.

Chiefly Tennis . a score of zero; nothing.

14.

a word formerly used in communications to represent theletter L.

–verb (used with object)

15.

to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.

16.

to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for(another person).

17.

to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to lovemusic.

18.

to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.

19.

to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.

20.

to have sexual intercourse with.

–verb (used without object)

21.

to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

—Verb phrase

22.

love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chanceshe gets.

—Idioms

23.

for love,

a.

out of affection or liking; for pleasure.

b.

without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of thepoor for love.

24.

for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For thelove of mercy, stop that noise.

25.

in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: ayouth always in love.

26.

in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person,idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with thegirl next door; in love with one's work.

27.

make love,

a.

to embrace and kiss as lovers.

b.

to engage in sexual activity.

28.

no love lost, dislike; animosity: There was no love lostbetween the two brothers.

That is 28 definitions of love, that is crazy. Do we need that many, or does love mean that much. It does. I mean how could it not. We all want it, and when we have it, even in the smallest form, our lives feel sooooooo much better. I just hope to get this soon.